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Parents' attitude towards adolescents

Parents' attitude towards adolescents


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Question:

- My daughter is 14 years old. She is smart, talented and stubborn. From the age of 13 she is very disrespectful and always contradicts me. Because she is my only child, I do not know if her behavior is normal. If she is punished, she always does what she wants. She is a capable girl, but very lazy. I tried to get her to start learning, but she upset me and told me that I didn't offer her enough, that her things are not all company and that I should buy her more clothes than her other children. do not take it. How to succeed in convincing her to start learning, without living with this guilt, I am afraid not to do something wrong and fail to regain her respect.

Answer:

First of all, it is remarkable that you ask yourself such questions because they are the starting point in trying to restore your daughter's relationship to a normal, authentic phage.
Understand with enough accuracy the fear of being wrong and of being wrong in approaching this branch relationship, the purpose being the loss of respect for your own child.
Things are not so because (unfortunately, I would say), the respect of your child is very difficult to lose even in repeated traumatic conditions, which is not the subject of your case. I understand that your daughter is smart, talented, stubborn, disrespectful, capable, lazy.
Enough qualities that you probably consider native (inherited), but also defects acquired especially after the age of 13 years! But I have not seen: beautiful, ginger, sweet and probably other qualities that certainly have and are less than the intellectual performance.

In these conditions, she may not feel beautiful, not accept her physical self with too much enthusiasm and try to make up for this loss with clothes and all the company!
But let's remember what the age of 12-14 years implies and we will certainly understand and accept more easily our own children.
Adolescence, because it is about it, is a period that involves major changes and restructuring both physical, somatic, hormonal and psychic. These changes are felt with the fear mainly of the adolescent, who is often not advised that they are both normal and necessary, but also by the family of belonging.
It is an important stage of shaping the personality of the future adult, in necessary evolution from the absolute dependence (new born) towards autonomy and good social integration. There is an increased degree of social aggression in this period, aggression that affects social relations and, to a large extent, alters intrafamilial relations, but it certainly does not destroy its bases.
Parents should be aware that they are primarily responsible for forming their own children as distinct personalities, because their role is decisive compared to other socializing institutions: school, group of friends, media.
Their desire to further control the situation as a teenager, a desire generated by their own fears, creates a hostile environment and hinders the young man's efforts to reduce dominance. They often impose rules that do not take into account the individual values ​​of the adolescent; this makes him aware that he is not loved. The adolescent isolates himself from the family, acquires inferiority complexes and nothingness.
He cannot accept discipline and deny the values ​​of the family, rebelling or submitting unconditionally. Let us not forget that disapproval of one's own parent leads to disapproval of one's own person. And just now, in a period of profound search for their own identity! Unconditional love, attention, respect, trust, encouragement, safety, valorization, validation are necessities that parents would benefit to provide to the adolescent for the purpose of normal psycho-behavioral development.
They prevent resentment, fear, anger, despair and self-confidence in others in the future adulthood.
Coming back, after this trip you could realize that your daughter is behaving as normal as possible for this period. Accompany it at this stage, make sure you need them listed above, be patient, persevere and your school results will improve on their own (if there were no problems before 13 years), and the wardrobe will be made up of clothes. that they really like, without being all company.
Mircea Raslescu
- Psychologist - Child and adolescent psychology
Alter Ego Cabinet-