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The exaggerated attachment of the mother's child

The exaggerated attachment of the mother's child


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Question:

- I have a boy of 3 years and 5 months. Ever since I was very young he has been extremely attached to me. He's a shy kid. It was very difficult to adapt to kindergarten. He stayed with me for almost 2 years, after which he dealt with various bones during the time I was at work. I mention that I changed 3 bones (the first one was asleep by suffocation, the second left after a month and the third one beat him). In these conditions I gave up and enrolled him at 2 years and 9 months at the kindergarten where during the first two months he vomited every day. His pediatrician told me he is a very sensitive child and should be treated very carefully. We love him very much and I spoiled him because I did it later (I was 31 years old and my husband was 36). Although at first glance one might say that this behavior is due to bonds, yet he was a little communicative with strangers and before their arrival. With kindergarten came a change for the better in the sense that he no longer runs away from children as before, but his timidity remained the same. The main problem is that he is almost stuck with me, that everything he wants to do only with me (to eat, to sleep, to walk, to cook, whatever). At the end of the year celebration he was the only child on the stage who cried continuously and stayed with me by the curtain. We took him everywhere just to be in touch with other people and children. My question is what to do and if this behavior (exaggerated by shyness) is our fault, and if so, what can we do to become more independent and stop crying how often I disappear from his visual range. We would like to visit a psychologist specialized in child psychology who will teach us what to do both ourselves and him.

Answer:

From your writings, I understood that the major problem you are claiming is the exaggerated attachment of the mother's child and a shyness in the social relations.

From your writings, I understood that the major problem you are claiming is the exaggerated attachment of the mother's child and a shyness in the social relations.
Despite the traumatic experiences with the bonuses and the difficult adaptation to life in kindergarten, I understood that your little one has now evolved well and has developed at least at a basic level social skills. To help her in this regard you can continue your efforts to socialize the child with other children, respectively adults by walking to different locations and at the same time you can arrange so-called meetings and at home with various friends of his.
Practice teaching the little one to interact with children, explain the "rules" of meeting others and challenge him to try.

Any attempt must always be rewarded positively to reinforce this behavior. Encourage him to go on visits, trips, short vacations with the kindergarten students if such events are held.
And because you say that too much attachment is observed in your family, you can begin to help your child by learning to interact more with other family members. Implications for getting started in your games and activities with the child, then later amplify their role and slowly under different pretexts give them some time alone with the child.
If for the beginning you can use such games in the family, with your participation, as the child gets used to the other members you can withdraw to let the activity unfold between them. Always encourage your child to do what you do and stimulate him / her to spend more time with other family members both at home and abroad, and reward them with their successes. You can motivate your absence through various excuses to make it easier for others to access your child's good will.
Even if it will be harder for you to start, try to set clear limits for your activities with the child (sleeping, eating, etc.) and explain them to him / her. Do not expect him to admit them at a moment's notice, but maintaining the limits initially imposed despite his claims can somehow disassociate you.
In raising and educating a child, a balanced attitude of parents towards the child is important, so that spoiling and hyper-protection do not become obstacles in its normal development.
Good luck!
Clara Monica CHRISTMAS,
Specialist in medical psychology


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